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Went out with…

February 16th, 2003

… JG tonight (sat) and we had dinner, interesting conversation, one thing I’ve always liked about talking to her is that she always has something to talk about, I can relax and not worry about doing anything but listening and thinking on what she is saying, I don’t have to make up conversation or talk about things I don’t feel the need to just to make noise. She’s one of a very small number of people that I can be quiet around and it doesn’t feel weird. I don’t know how I feel exactly about talking to her again, I don’t know if it’s healthy to talk to her again or not. She’s selfish, egotistical, and a constant temptation. On the other hand I’m selfish, egotistical (ego mctechie *smirk*), and ruthless. I’m no better, no worse, but I don’t know. I know where that relationship can’t be allowed to go ever… and that’s anything more than friends. A) she’s married, B) we’re not compatible. Don’t get me wrong, not to say we don’t get along, but we’re so alike in some ways that we’d drive each other up a wall in short order I suspect. Our biggest problem is we tend to draw very close togeather, closer than is acceptable in our situations, she needs someone and I need to be needed. We are connected at a certain level and we can talk about anything or nothing and be comfortable, it’s a dangerous combination in a lot of ways, not so much now but at a period in the near future it could be bad… real bad. We’ll see how it goes, if it comes down to it, I can walk if need be… I won’t be used, owned, or possessed. Nor will I let things progress any further than friendship with her and if it comes to that I’ll walk, it’s just not a workable situation if it comes down to more than just low level flirting. Shrug, we’ll see. If I didn’t care for her, I wouldn’t even be in screaming distance of a situation like this.

Shadus Ramblings

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